


Like A Milkshake

by VYCanisMajoris



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, I'll let y'all know once i watch it, Infinity War doesn't exist in any of my fics yet so don't worry, M/M, Makeup-Wearing Bucky, Multi, Natasha steals lipstick, Stealing clothing, Tony watches crappy tv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:31:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VYCanisMajoris/pseuds/VYCanisMajoris
Summary: For a tumblr prompt: Natasha and Tony love to steal Bucky's clothes, but he can't return the favor because he's too thicc





	Like A Milkshake

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They belong to Marvel Entertainment. Any writing is completely fan-made and I make no profit from this writing.

The first time it happens, Bucky doesn’t really notice the pattern, mostly because Clint’s complaining drowns out all other thoughts. 

“Why doesn’t Bucky need this crap?” Clint whines, as Jan opens the container of Vaseline. “He looks like he’s thinking of murdering a bunch of puppies and committing insurance fraud.” 

“Because Bucky looks charming with a brooding face while you look constipated and bitchy,” Jan replies, swiping a glob onto Clint’s teeth. 

Clint sends Bucky a harsh look, which Bucky ignores for a moment, sweeping mascara over his lashes. He looks away from the mirror and gives Clint a wink before returning to his mirror. Clint flips him off. 

“Constipated, bitchy, and beautiful, you mean,” Clint continues, gagging as Jan maneuvers the Vaseline around his teeth. “Why do I even need this? It’s just another stupid PR event where we all stand around, awkward, while you, Thor, and Tony do all the charming.”

“Maybe we’re tired of charming all the old people and want you to give it a try for once.”

“I don’t think Clint could charm anything,” Bucky comments, watching Clint struggle to get away from Jan and fall half-onto the floor of the limousine. He caps the mascara and tucks it into his breast pocket before Clint can hit it with all his flailing. “Not with moves like that.”

“Shut it, Winter Loser. You aren’t the one getting tortured mercilessly by Jan’s high expectations.” 

“Not very high anymore,” Jan sighs, twisting the cap onto the tub of Vaseline. “Nothing can really fix this.” 

Bucky nods, solemnly, in agreement, making Jan giggle. She sighs and rolls her eyes at Clint’s following look of betrayal, then pulls a tissue out of her purse and starts wiping the Vaseline from his teeth, muttering, “You can make as many crappy puns as you like, but we can’t tease you for a moment.”

“There’s a difference between genius and cruelty.”

“And you miss the mark of genius every day,” Bucky responds. Clint pauses, tilts his head, then reaches down to pull his shoe off.

“No!” Jan slaps his hand away. “You are not throwing your shoe at him like a four-year-old!”

“I was thinking more of Pepper on a rampage, but no, compare me to a four-year-old again.”

“I’ll stop comparing you to a four-year-old when you stop acting like one.”

“And I’ll stop throwing shoes when Bucky stops being a dick.”

“You’ll stop throwing shoes because if you throw another one, I will make your uniform look like a stripper’s fantasy!” Jan exclaims, tucking the tissues back into her purse as the limousine begins to slow down.

“Go ahead – I’ll just distract our enemies into losing.”

“Or scar them,” Bucky mutters, before quickly exiting the limousine as Clint reaches out to hit him. 

He waits by the door, ignoring the flashing cameras and bright lights, and gives Jan a hand out of the car. She smiles, broad and charming, saying, loud enough for the reporters to hear, “How kind!”

Jan walks the carpet slowly, answering questions and smiling, with Clint tailing her slowly, doing his best to answer only questions that he can tell joking answers to without being hounded in the news later. Bucky skips all that, mostly because answering anything the press has to ask him still makes him feel like sweating, and he enters the gala floor without anyone noticing – anyone except Natasha, that is. 

She steps away from the bar, wearing the red dress with a sweetheart neckline that Thor helped her pick out, and meets him near the door. Her hair is curled, also thanks to Thor, who somehow went to beauty school in between chasing his crazy brother and saving the universe because _damn_ , does she look great – not that there’s anytime that she doesn’t! But, she looks amazing in a different way tonight. 

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” Natasha says, reaching out to fix his tie, even though Janet made sure it was perfect, “Tony and I thought you were going to stand us up, and we were going to ruin you for that.”

“I’d be too afraid to try,” he replies, smiling down at her. She smiles back, eyes twinkling, and he pauses for a moment, confused. Something is different, with her face, something about her smile… “Is that my lipstick?”

Natasha’s face goes through a series of lightning-fast flickers of emotion, from confidence to guilt to wide-eyed innocence to a smug look of acceptance that ends with her subtly tripping Bruce as he passes by, making Bucky have to catch him and then explain to Thor that he wasn’t trying to sweep Bruce off his feet in an attempt to steal him away. 

As he explains this, with Bruce’s help, to Thor, he shoots a look of betrayal after Natasha, who winks at him before sweeping Tony away from a pair of benefactors and onto the dance floor.

________________________________________

The next time Bucky is thoroughly fooled, mostly because Tony can be the most accidentally ingenious person in the world.

He walks into the living room, normal as ever, and finds Tony tucked into the corner of the couch, a blanket wrapped around himself and hiding the shakes of another horrible cold that took root easily with the reactor, and his eyes wide on the television screen, on which Bucky finds… the newest of yet another awful dating show, which… alright. He looks back to the couch and finds Tony staring directly at him, face pink from his cold and embarrassment, and jaw set firmly in indignation. 

Unsure of what to do, mostly because Tony is only ever embarrassed when Rhodes tells stories of them in college, Bucky silently walks forward and sits beside Tony on the couch, raising his arm up in an open invitation. Tony squints at him, looking far too adorable for words, then opens up his blanket and pulls Bucky on top of himself. He wraps the blankets around both of them and pushes his head underneath Bucky’s chin. 

_Nice._ Tony is always up for cuddles, though he’s hesitant to initiate most days, but it’s almost impossible to get him to stand still when he’s sick, much less lay down and rest. Thankfully, Tony is wrapped around him like an octopus with no intention of letting go, so Bucky has already done better than the rest of the team, even Natasha. 

He runs his fingers through Tony’s hair as they watch a series of men try and fail to be charming on camera. Instead of performing a running commentary of the show as usual, Tony watches the show with bated breath, occasionally gasping when one of the men says something “charming”, or when the woman, who seems very nice and smart, has a heart-to-heart with the camera. 

At some point, probably during yet another guy failing to be charming, Bucky looks down at Tony, content with running his fingers through Tony’s hair and watching him make adorable faces at the screen, and notices something off. He looks down from Tony’s pink nose and sleepy eyes and at the sweatshirt he wears. 

“Tony.”

“Hmm?” Tony blinks drowsily, looking up to Bucky, and smiles. 

“Are you wearing my sweatshirt?”

Tony looks down, blinks again, then looks up to Bucky and yawns, making Bucky yawn and mentally curse. By the time he’s stopped wondering how Tony got so cute, Tony has fallen asleep. 

“Great,” Bucky mutters, but pulls out his phone to snap a picture and send it to Natasha, who immediately replies with several heart emojis and a moon emoji, because she’s weird like that. 

At least he can change the channel, now. 

________________________________________

He finally gets a clue about what his girlfriend and boyfriend are doing after a week of nothing but torture, made up of a mixture of PR events, fieldwork, press conferences, and Shield briefings that made even Maria Hill bored out of her mind. 

They’re on a date, a date that, finally, doesn’t have any interruptions from the other Avengers or civilians that recognize them, and they are walking down a park path when Bucky notices the shirt that Tony is wearing, along with the jacket that Natasha has over her tank top. 

The shirt is way too large on Tony, revealing all of one shoulder and a lacy camisole strap. Sure, in fashion sense it somehow works, since Tony has the capability of pulling off whatever he wears, which Jan loves, but not as much as Natasha and Bucky love it. Yet, it doesn’t make sense, because how did Bucky not notice Tony stole one of his favourite shirts?

And Natasha is just the same! She has one of his favourite jackets, similar to the grounding leather of his uniform, on over one of Tony’s tank tops, which she also managed to steal, or maybe borrow… Come to think of it, she and Tony wear the same clothing a lot. Maybe they’ve simply combined wardrobes… 

He stops walking, shakes the odd trail of thought from his head, and asks, “Are you guys stealing my clothing?”

“Not stealing if we aren’t caught,” Natasha immediately replies. 

“I just caught you.”

“Or if we’re proven innocent by a jury of our peers,” Tony adds, gaining an approving nod from Natasha. 

“I’m not angry, just…”

“Kinda miffed that you didn’t figure it out for, like, two months of us continually borrowing clothing?” Tony finishes for him. 

“You’ve been doin this for two months?”

“Not every day – just, you know, every now and then. Look, you can wear our stuff, if you want,” Natasha offers, but Tony shakes his head and says, “No, he can’t. You and I have great legs and asses, but he’s got those thighs of betrayal and a six-pack that could grate cheese. He’s like a milkshake – he wouldn’t fit.”

“A… a milkshake?” Bucky repeats, afraid of the explanation. 

Tony shrugs and grins, smugly, as he states, “Thick.”

Natasha and Tony high-five as Bucky hangs his head and wonders just what he did to get saddled with these two maniacs. Something great, probably, since Natasha takes pity on him and kisses his cheek while Tony threads their fingers together before dragging him down another park path.


End file.
